Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
