I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
