i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
