I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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