some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
