We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
