he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
