Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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