he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
