Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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