dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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