I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
