Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
