it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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