watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
