Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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