Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
