I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
