I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
