i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
