Nicole vs. Life
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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