Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
