She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
