i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
