Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
