It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
