you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
