If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
