Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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