Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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