i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
