just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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