I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
