it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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