She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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