Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
