i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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