my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
