I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize