Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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