So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
