Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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