Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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