I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
