Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
