Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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