oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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