Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
