just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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