btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im holly from the hills drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
