Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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