I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
