We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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