When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
