Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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