This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
