she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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