he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
