Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
