Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
not ubering you a puppy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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