I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
