i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
